If you recall walking down the streets of Orchard Road, not only are you welcomed by premium luxury brands and shopfronts, you may also realize that there are homosexual couples in Singapore.
I, myself have had a relationship with someone of the same gender for four and a half years. The relationship ended when I fell for somebody else, who was also of the same gender. So am I a homosexual? Sure. But a question that I get a lot is: “Are you bi?”
How did you come out of the closet?
First and foremost, I suck at giving people advice when it comes to coming out. Reason being, I never had to come out of the closet since I was never in it. Being in the closet is when you realize that you have feelings for or are attracted to someone of the same gender, but nobody else knows about it. Plainly speaking, you are secretly not a straight person. When you are openly not a straight person, it is said that you are out of the closet. There are plenty of reasons why someone chooses to stay in the closet or is unable to not come out of the closet. For me, I never saw it as an issue. I never cared whether I was in a homosexual or heterosexual relationship. A relationship is a relationship.
In Singapore, the most common reason I have gotten is the fear of judgment.
Look at those two guys holding hands. So gross! That girl is acting like a guy around that other girl. Disgusting. See that ah gua (slang for a guy acting like a female).
Many same-sex couples are able to brave through public judgment by simply feigning ignorance or by showing no sign of PDA. For me, I ignored the public and held hands with my partner. I didn’t care. But for my last relationship, one of the issues in the relationship was PDA. I want to hold hands with the person I love. I want to be held by my partner in front of our friends and families so they know how happy and blissful I am in my relationship. But my partner just could not overcome the fear of judgment and would, therefore, refrain from any form of physical contact. Can you imagine the person you love pulling his/her hand out of yours every time you try to hold their hand? So yeah, the relationship was broken off but no that was not the main issue and there were many other factors in the relationship that led to the breakup.
The next big reason why people have a tough time coming out of the closet is the fear that friends and family do not accept them and their sexuality. In Singapore, many parents do not say no to their child being a homosexual. But they generally do not accept it. I believe this is because of tradition and mindset, which makes it extremely difficult for the older generation to accept that homosexuality is generally the same as heterosexuality. They do not think about love between two persons. They instead think about how you are unable to get married in Singapore, not able to naturally conceive a child, and the whole process just seems very unnatural. And if your friends do not accept you for who you are, are they really your friends?
In my opinion, I feel that family and trusted friends should be the last people you hide from. Let them know and listen to what they have to say. You may be surprised when things don’t turn out as bad as you think. Even if they do not accept your partner as your other half, they will eventually accept the fact that that person (i.e. your partner) is very close and important to you. But then hor, your partner must understand that he/she has to try harder if not twice as hard to be likable. #protip #justsaying
Okay, back to the part where I said: “I was never in (the closet)”. To me, “the closet” is a psychological wall that hinders you from being opened and honest about your sexuality. Basically, it is all in your head.
When I was looking to have a tattoo done, I was so stoked. I was going to do a piece as big as my hand (palm + fingers) on my right arm which I had planned for a year. I did not let anyone in my family know about it. Only after it was completed, I sent a picture of my fresh and very permanent art piece to my family group chat. I did that because it was not only a big piece, it was clearly visible when I wore T-shirts or white tops. They were bound to find out about it anyway. All my family was concerned about was the fact that I had to cover the tattoo on my arm when I started working full-time in an office by constantly wearing dark long-sleeve tops or cardigans and jackets. That was it. Everyone I met is intrigued by my tattoo, and it never fails as a conversation-starter.
I’m pretty sure you see where I’m going with my tattoo story. I never really cared how others looked at me. I knew that whatever I was doing isn’t wrong or illegal. I wasn’t hurting anyone. I simply made my own life choices and decisions. Just because my life choices are different doesn’t mean that they are wrong. Even if they are wrong, the mistakes are mine to make and for me to learn from. With this mindset instilled in me, I never had a psychological barrier and was, therefore, never in the closet.
The struggles of non-heterosexuals are very real, don’t get me wrong. Especially in Singapore, where the older generation is really traditional, and the younger generation is very strongly-influenced by Western culture. So I encourage everyone to just be themselves. As the cliche saying goes…
People who matter, won't mind. People who mind, won't matter.
I hope that same-sex marriages will be recognized in Singapore soon, where homosexual couples are treated the same way as heterosexual couples in the eyes of the law.
Love is love.
The Ocean Rebel 